Hello World.
For those who know me IRL, it would be either shell-shock-inducing to see me starting a sex/kink (or, at this point, rather: potential sex/kink options I like to think about) blog - or simply the next logical thing for me to do.
For me, it's both, really.
I got the idea for it from the lovely blog of Holly Pervocracy, mainly. If she can write about what gets her going, both in the head department and lower down, and thus creates a little more awesomeness in this world (that runs desperately low on awesomeness, btw) - hey, there's no reason for me to hold back. I need an outlet anyway.
I am Barely Legal (tm), age-wise, I have finished high school and currently live abroad in a remote Eastern European country that in my experience few people outside of East and Central Europe know about, other than "it has to be somewhere over there, right?". I am of German origins and I'll go back to Germany in order to go to university as soon as I'm finished here - I'm doing a gap year, working in a nursery home and learning the language of this country which I didn't speak at all when I came here.
It is easy to derive from these facts that English is not my mother tongue, so if I make mistakes or use weird/misunderstandable expressions, don't be too harsh on me. You can and should tell me, though, I won't be exactly happy that I did things wrong but I'll try to swallow my ginormous ego and correct them :P
I chose to write in English because I suppose to attract a larger spectrum of readers, English obviously being the lingua franca of our times (also, readers, ha ha on me - this is a fledgling blog, after all), then, because I hope to be able to build up a rapport with people that don't speak my mother tongue and wouldn't be able to understand me would I write in German - and also because it is easier for me to talk or write about naughty business of any kind in a foreign language.
I am quite insecure when it comes to bodies (especially mine) and all that has or could have to do with it. I need to detach myself from what I am talking about, I need to forget that this is about me and my fantasies, or else I'd be swamped by the conviction that "OMG I am talking about ME, [person on the receiving end] will look at me and combine what I just said with what I look like and be even more disgusted OMG!"
(It sounds really stupid now that I write it down and it's definitely something I should work at.)
Using another language usually does the trick for me, as I take a step back. I don't spout raw fantasies any more, I have to wrap them up in another language, and the bit of conscious and abstract thinking that thus is needed somehow makes me feel less vulnerable.
I speak English rather fluently and expression is vital for me, so English is my language of choice for this because I can express an exact aspect of a thing I'm thinking about, without having to clumsily search for words.
Also, English, with its short words, its "cool" and laid-back attitude (I supposedly see it that way because German colloquial speech, especially among young people, does borrow quite a few English words) and its pronounciation - it is easy to mumble or just coolly drop a remark without having to move our mouth a lot or speaking up - is quite perfect if I want to talk about something I don't want myself to notice that I'm talking about. Seems like I ate up quite a lot of sex-negative propaganda, hook, line and sinker.
This blog is one of my attempts at regurgitation and getting rid of it. This is the vomitorium.
Oh, and I'm a language nerd, hearing someone with a nice voice talk in any Slavic language makes me weak in the knees, I suppose myself to be a switch and bisexual (talk about indecisive - and I say I suppose because maybe it will change later on in my life), I like Gothic subculture, their outlook on life, music and a lot of the clothing. I'd call myself a Goth but that reminds me of those Gother Than Thou people which I don't like - also, there are so many Goth stereotypes in the heads of people and I don't conform to all of them so I wouldn't want you to automatically assume I do.
I love teh internetz and "they" as a 3rd person singular gender-free pronoun. I love webcomics and long hair and instant cocoa in cold milk and non-preachy vegans and military-strength fabric. I love army blankets and my cat and being grabbed at the wrists and pinned to the wall with my hands over my head and a man's faces mere inches away from me, with an ever-so-light smile just barely discernable in the corners of his mouth and the eyes of a maniac. I love books and rope and martial arts and a good brawl.
I love nights spent awake and nights on the town, provided they're spent in the right corners of the town. I love seeing someone under me, restrained and helpless and scooting about and trying to get away from me, and the expression on their face when they lose themselves in what I do to them when I mix pain with pleasure to the point they don't know whether they want me to stop or go on forever, and HARDER.
I love life and silliness and geekery and deep thoughts.
I am a mixed blessing.
